Grownups don't....

I'm halfway (ok 3 months, whatever, I'm still wise) through my first year of my late twenties and there are a few things I have figured out about being a grownup.  I call it Grownups Don't.... 

• Grownups don't flip each other off in traffic.  If I accidentally cut you off, I don't need your middle finger to know I am a dick right now.  I really didn't mean to.  On the flip side, you cutting me off in traffic, I think a yelled "asshole" and a honk of the horn is plenty... we both know you are an asshole, that is enough for me. 
• Grownups don't take baths.  I don't know why!  I don't make the rules, deal with it!
• Grownups don't make vague emo facebook posts then when someone comments "what's wrong" reply, "I don't want to talk about it."
• Grownups don't answer the phone on dates.  Seriously, I'm 2 feet away from you, there is only so long I can "people watch" and pretend to not listen to your conversation.
• Grownups don't use text speak... beyond an ironic "OMG" making fun of people who use text speak. 
• Grownups don't not swear.... I know that was awesome grammar.  Really, what that means is grownups are allowed to say fuck sometimes.  But that didn't flow with the "grownups don't" theme.
• Grownups don't decide they don't like something without trying it... unless there are bell peppers in it because then I don't like it. ;)

Now... here is the thing, the preceding paragraphs are mostly utter bullshit.... You can take baths and still be a grownup, I don't care.  Say LOL if you want to, you can keep your adult card. Really I wrote those as word fillers to make this long enough to post.  Here is the real thing grownups don't do.

GROWNUPS DON'T CUDDLE! Seriously, I have never heard so many guys ask me to "come over and cuddle."  Shut the hell up, grownups don't just cuddle. Grownups cuddle as a prelude to sex, or after sex.  "Hey that was some quality cuddling, I am going to go home now, peace" Said nobody, ever!  So no, I won't come over and "cuddle you"

In that same vein, grownups also don't just "watch a movie".  Picture me on a date, and he with says "hey why don't you come over to my place and watch a movie."  Come On!  "Watch a movie" means "Make out on the couch" and we both know it. I mean, either way the answer is probably no, but lets atleast be real with each other.

Grownups also don't use euphemisms.