Are you single? Do you have a vagina? if you answered yes to both of these questions then listen to me. I'm about to get on a soapbox, but it will be a good one so bare with me! Here is what I'm needing from you right now. Go to any retail facility that sells books.. and buy the bible!
Not that one! Jeez, why would i want you to get that? NO, go get He's Just Not That Into You. Here is the reason I bring this up now. Boys are stupid. And not just the ones in my life, which obviously they are. But really, I look around and It really makes me mad to see all my amazing beautiful girlfriends struggle so much with guys. The "bible" changed my whole outlook on life. Ok, not life, that's a bit extreme, but at least changed my outlook on dating.
Worrying about guys is a waste of time, cuz who cares why they do/don't do the things that they do/don't do!! And as Ive mentioned previously, guys can be douche's! Not all of them, and even the douches have the capability.. of becoming undouchey... But waiting around for that to happen is a waste. Smart, Beautiful, Amazing women waste so much time making themselves sick to their stomach wondering if we did something too needy/nice/crazy.. and made him not like us. It is SO liberating to realize him not liking me is really not my problem anymore.
In closing..... you people reading this..... do me a favor, next time a girl in your life totally forgets how freakin AMAZING they are and begin to say any variation of "what did i do wrong" or "why doesn't he love me enough" walk into my room and find the black paperback on my bookshelf with Jen Aniston and Drew Barrymore's faces on it, say "I'm borrowing this" and walk up to this girl and SMACK HER WITH IT! I think she will understand this violence is done out of love, and hopefully it will help her remember that just cuz He's Just Not That Into Her, it doesn't mean that she should be Just Not Into Her. Even if the reason hes not calling is because he really DID get his hand chopped of in the middle east because he stole a melon, then lost his genitalia in a tragic smelting accident and there for obviously is not capable of dialing the phone like he said he would, um HELLO.. who wants an appendageless kleptomaniac anyway? Ladies, we deserve better. To all my amazing beautiful girlfriends, just remember that.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Monday, June 14, 2010
Welcome to my world...
Kids... I work in a Urology office. That's right, if you ever have a question about a dis functional penis, I'm your girl!
OK, that's a lie, I know a few things about dis functional penis's, but, I DO have easy access to finding out. There is something about urologists... they LOVE talking about dongs....
But, I digress. In the world of Urology, we shall call this world Weenie-World, (Its like Disneyland, but with more cups full of pee!) there are many many crazy people. You would think the explanation is simple, men go nuts when their Pee-Pee's stop working. But here is the ultimate question. Its like Chicken V. Egg. The ultimate question in Weenie-world is... what came first, The ED or the Crazy?
Today, we had a new patient check in. And he was nutty from the first moment. He walked in wearing a blue muscle shirt that showed off his gut wonderfully, he was super sweaty and intense. Super secretive about what kind of insurance he had, and as explanation why, he "has to live here." Even his doctor said, "man that dude was a nut basket." Isolated incident you say? Um, no... we get the crazies CONSTANTLY. So, that's what I wanna know! Has Homie ALWAYS been nuts? Is there something about his brand of crazy that expedites impotence? OR, was he a normal sane guy till he stopped being able to have "the sex" and the back-up fried his brain?
This is just one of the things I ponder while living in Weenie-World.
Good times.
OK, that's a lie, I know a few things about dis functional penis's, but, I DO have easy access to finding out. There is something about urologists... they LOVE talking about dongs....
But, I digress. In the world of Urology, we shall call this world Weenie-World, (Its like Disneyland, but with more cups full of pee!) there are many many crazy people. You would think the explanation is simple, men go nuts when their Pee-Pee's stop working. But here is the ultimate question. Its like Chicken V. Egg. The ultimate question in Weenie-world is... what came first, The ED or the Crazy?
Today, we had a new patient check in. And he was nutty from the first moment. He walked in wearing a blue muscle shirt that showed off his gut wonderfully, he was super sweaty and intense. Super secretive about what kind of insurance he had, and as explanation why, he "has to live here." Even his doctor said, "man that dude was a nut basket." Isolated incident you say? Um, no... we get the crazies CONSTANTLY. So, that's what I wanna know! Has Homie ALWAYS been nuts? Is there something about his brand of crazy that expedites impotence? OR, was he a normal sane guy till he stopped being able to have "the sex" and the back-up fried his brain?
This is just one of the things I ponder while living in Weenie-World.
Good times.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
After much peer pressure....
"Mommy? Where do blogs come from??"
"Well little Timmy, when someone loves themselves VERY much they decide that the rest of the world should to, so they take it upon themselves to create a URL address and share all the details of their lives with the rest of the world. And that's why God created the Blog."
It's official boys and girls, I am now one of those annoying people who are like, "blah blah, read my blog so I feel cool... Yay!"
I anticipate nothing of substance will come out of this. If you are looking for pearls of wisdom like the super mom blogs that feature the recent amazing recipe for smoked organic puma and blue cheese salad, or a how-to guide to fixing a truck.... Well, I will be of no help to you.
No, I plan on telling you all, my already LOYAL readers, all two of you, about my daily life. Of being a single gal going to school and working, and you now have the unimaginable privilege of hearing about all of my amazing observations that being a 24-year-old (almost 25-year-old) living in this crazy city we call Salt Lake brings.
I make no guarantees about the spelling or grammar. That will depend on the quality of spell check attached to blogspot.com, as well as the amount of time and effort I'm willing to take to USE the spell check as intended. Lets be honest, any mistakes will have little to do with the spell-checker.
I do promise to make reference to puma's often. Don't ask me why, but I think they are the funniest animal to use as an example. I also promise to find other funny animals to use as metaphors. Maybe my next fave will be the Armadillo.... ? I promise to use words like Uber and Semi so you are rarely confused about the magnitude (or lack there of) of situations. And finally I promise to share my big fat opinion profusely. I know... with promises like that how could my blog be anything but UBER awesome!
So, buckle up kiddies, and welcome to my life of attempting to be a Grown-up in the 801!
"Well little Timmy, when someone loves themselves VERY much they decide that the rest of the world should to, so they take it upon themselves to create a URL address and share all the details of their lives with the rest of the world. And that's why God created the Blog."
It's official boys and girls, I am now one of those annoying people who are like, "blah blah, read my blog so I feel cool... Yay!"
I anticipate nothing of substance will come out of this. If you are looking for pearls of wisdom like the super mom blogs that feature the recent amazing recipe for smoked organic puma and blue cheese salad, or a how-to guide to fixing a truck.... Well, I will be of no help to you.
No, I plan on telling you all, my already LOYAL readers, all two of you, about my daily life. Of being a single gal going to school and working, and you now have the unimaginable privilege of hearing about all of my amazing observations that being a 24-year-old (almost 25-year-old) living in this crazy city we call Salt Lake brings.
I make no guarantees about the spelling or grammar. That will depend on the quality of spell check attached to blogspot.com, as well as the amount of time and effort I'm willing to take to USE the spell check as intended. Lets be honest, any mistakes will have little to do with the spell-checker.
I do promise to make reference to puma's often. Don't ask me why, but I think they are the funniest animal to use as an example. I also promise to find other funny animals to use as metaphors. Maybe my next fave will be the Armadillo.... ? I promise to use words like Uber and Semi so you are rarely confused about the magnitude (or lack there of) of situations. And finally I promise to share my big fat opinion profusely. I know... with promises like that how could my blog be anything but UBER awesome!
So, buckle up kiddies, and welcome to my life of attempting to be a Grown-up in the 801!
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