It is the last day of 2012, hell of the year!!! A few gigantic things happened this year, broke up with "the one" and realized he really wasn't the one afterall, changed my major, changed my career path, made some new friends, realized one of my friends is truly family and I am about to gain a niece (or nephew), I quit my job (still doesn't feel that way though... it just occurred to me I would be at work right now otherwise), and I feel like I have really become the woman I want to be. No regrets. Such a good feeling to be totally comfortable with who I am.
This is about the time that most people would list their resolutions, but I have come to the conclusion that I don't believe in new years resolutions... there is nothing to be gained by waiting to do something tomorrow, that could be done today.... (see what I did there, because tomorrow is New Years Day... get it... God I am funny.) But since my mom says that I can't go do anything while my dishwasher is running, I have some time to kill. Instead of the things that I want to improve upon, I will tell you all of the things I have accepted that I suck at.
I SUCK at being organized... everytime I clean my apartment I am like, this time... THIS time this shit is staying clean... fast forward a day and a half I have crap everywhere again! I seriously have NO idea how that happens. I have learned that there are some people who always put things down in the place that they go, and then there are people like me... who put things down where ever I happen to be standing, including the back of the couch and the floor, and rarely is that in the same place twice...
I suck at being on time... Now this is two fold, yes I actually do suck at showing up places at a designated time. "lets meet at 5" in my world always turns into "5:10"... I live my life 10 min behind. On top of that though... I suck at getting ready to be on time. I have no idea how it happens, I can give myself ample time, but seriously every time I am rushing out the door, with perfume spritzes and discarded outfits like a wake behind me. This is what a morning looks like when I am getting ready for work... Wake up, snooze until the last possible second, stand in the shower and then realize I snoozed my standing in the shower time away and quickly get things done. Search the basket full of clothes (that I have inevitably NOT folded when I did laundry) for an outfit throw it in the dryer to remove the wrinkles, with a spare just incase I don't like that outfit. I will then start to get ready, not before getting distracted by facebook on my phone while brushing my teeth. Halfway through roundbrushing my hair I look at the clock and realize I have 10 min to get to work, and begin rushing. Grab my outfit out of the dryer and burn the shit out of myself on the buttons from my pants. At the point I will think about making breakfast/coffee and realize I should have been at work 5 minutes ago and that I also don't like this shirt.... change my shirt while locking the door, run out to my car and wish I would have thought to warm it up... Oh shit... I forgot my cell phone...
I suck at doing laundry
I suck at winking... I look like I am having a stroke if I try to wink my left eye...
I suck at flirting. Oh my GOD I suck at flirting.... How I have ever managed to get boyfriends is beyond me. This is me on a date "Blah blah blah... Obama.... Blah blah... religion... Blah blah... Stereotypical gender roles.... Blah" Oh the date's over? Damnit... where where my moves!
I suck at change. And really at goodbyes...
I suck at living in the moment... This is one I am trying to change though. Its not a New Year's resolution, it is just a resolution. I spend SO much time thinking about school, graduation, grad school, bills, what I want to be when I grow up, that I tend to miss the right now! I am working on that one, any tips on HOW to do that would be appreciated!
Happy New Year guys, I am so grateful for all of you
Hey good timing, my dishwasher is done
Monday, December 31, 2012
Sunday, October 28, 2012
Grownups don't....
I'm halfway (ok 3 months, whatever, I'm still wise) through my first year of my late twenties and there are a few things I have figured out about being a grownup. I call it Grownups Don't....
Now... here is the thing, the preceding paragraphs are mostly utter bullshit.... You can take baths and still be a grownup, I don't care. Say LOL if you want to, you can keep your adult card. Really I wrote those as word fillers to make this long enough to post. Here is the real thing grownups don't do.
GROWNUPS DON'T CUDDLE! Seriously, I have never heard so many guys ask me to "come over and cuddle." Shut the hell up, grownups don't just cuddle. Grownups cuddle as a prelude to sex, or after sex. "Hey that was some quality cuddling, I am going to go home now, peace" Said nobody, ever! So no, I won't come over and "cuddle you"
In that same vein, grownups also don't just "watch a movie". Picture me on a date, and he with says "hey why don't you come over to my place and watch a movie." Come On! "Watch a movie" means "Make out on the couch" and we both know it. I mean, either way the answer is probably no, but lets atleast be real with each other.
Grownups also don't use euphemisms.
- Grownups don't flip each other off in traffic. If I accidentally cut you off, I don't need your middle finger to know I am a dick right now. I really didn't mean to. On the flip side, you cutting me off in traffic, I think a yelled "asshole" and a honk of the horn is plenty... we both know you are an asshole, that is enough for me.
- Grownups don't take baths. I don't know why! I don't make the rules, deal with it!
- Grownups don't make vague emo facebook posts then when someone comments "what's wrong" reply, "I don't want to talk about it."
- Grownups don't answer the phone on dates. Seriously, I'm 2 feet away from you, there is only so long I can "people watch" and pretend to not listen to your conversation.
- Grownups don't use text speak... beyond an ironic "OMG" making fun of people who use text speak.
- Grownups don't not swear.... I know that was awesome grammar. Really, what that means is grownups are allowed to say fuck sometimes. But that didn't flow with the "grownups don't" theme.
- Grownups don't decide they don't like something without trying it... unless there are bell peppers in it because then I don't like it. ;)
Now... here is the thing, the preceding paragraphs are mostly utter bullshit.... You can take baths and still be a grownup, I don't care. Say LOL if you want to, you can keep your adult card. Really I wrote those as word fillers to make this long enough to post. Here is the real thing grownups don't do.
GROWNUPS DON'T CUDDLE! Seriously, I have never heard so many guys ask me to "come over and cuddle." Shut the hell up, grownups don't just cuddle. Grownups cuddle as a prelude to sex, or after sex. "Hey that was some quality cuddling, I am going to go home now, peace" Said nobody, ever! So no, I won't come over and "cuddle you"
In that same vein, grownups also don't just "watch a movie". Picture me on a date, and he with says "hey why don't you come over to my place and watch a movie." Come On! "Watch a movie" means "Make out on the couch" and we both know it. I mean, either way the answer is probably no, but lets atleast be real with each other.
Grownups also don't use euphemisms.
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Adventures in dating
So... Dating Blows. The end
JK, its been a while since you guys have read something funny from me... my dating life should suffice!
So, I have started "internet dating" which is code for "I work in Urology with all the broken Pee Pee's and go to school at night with all the 40 year old mommies going back to school, so I have no freaking idea where to meet the fellas." There was one guy my age in a few of my classes in the last few semesters. We got along, and had a serious discussion about sleeping together (sorry family, don't mean to traumatize you!) vs staying study buddies in order to maintain helping each other get A's... we decided A's were more important... like the serious school nerds we are. Plus, the fact that we were discussing having sex like a science experiment was a firm check in the "con" column. So... there goes the one single male connection from school, hence resorting to the interwebs.
Lets just talk about the interwebs for a min... there is something about the anonymity of the internet that makes the pervy guys all the pervier. I am serious, if I get one more unsolicited picture of someones hairy balls, I might just switch teams.
My theory about the internet is it's an accurate sample of the general population, just concentrated. I have found, in my VAST experience, that while there might seem like there is an inordinate amount of the nutsack senders, it just seems that way because on a dating site, a woman has access to all of them. In a bar, there is probably the same ratio of them to normal dudes, just luckily in a bar, you don't run into all of them, so it seems like a higher ratio then it actually is. Once you weed through them, the majority of guys are really looking for the same thing everyone is... someone to connect with on some level. Whether it be friends, or more, we are all just looking for someone to share something special with. That being said, the search for that special someone has been PAINFUL! Now, I have embraced the concept, and I have been on ALOT of dates and here is the typical transcript.
Me: "Hi its nice to finally meet you!"
Him: "you too"
Me: "so tell me about your job?"
Him: "I like it"
Me: "Ok, um, tell me about your family"
Him: "they are nice"
Me: "this is going to be a long night" -(that one is usually internal)
Don't get me wrong some of them have been pretty fun. Its fun to get all ready and interact with new people, flirt and look pretty and have new experiences! I have had a great time and met some awesome guys, just not awesome for me. That fact sucked for a while, especially when I found out a certain someone was engaged. That moment was like... "shit, I am losing at breaking up!" And don't lie, you guys know exactly what I am talking about! We all want to be the winners when it comes to a break up. Luckily, in light of new information, I not only won the break up, I won at life!
So going forward... I will keep meeting the mens online for the time being. But more importantly, I will keep rocking out being awesome at being single! I seriously love being in a relationship, I am not going to lie, I miss being someones girlfriend. But you know what I love more? My independence... It would be great to meet someone to connect with, but I want that... I don't NEED that. That is seriously the most liberating fact. I get to do and be whoever I want! I can pick up and move whenever I want, I can apply to any grad school I want, I can quit my job and go to school full time, I can buy scooters and do zumba and cut my hair as short as I want. Its kind of great.
JK, its been a while since you guys have read something funny from me... my dating life should suffice!
So, I have started "internet dating" which is code for "I work in Urology with all the broken Pee Pee's and go to school at night with all the 40 year old mommies going back to school, so I have no freaking idea where to meet the fellas." There was one guy my age in a few of my classes in the last few semesters. We got along, and had a serious discussion about sleeping together (sorry family, don't mean to traumatize you!) vs staying study buddies in order to maintain helping each other get A's... we decided A's were more important... like the serious school nerds we are. Plus, the fact that we were discussing having sex like a science experiment was a firm check in the "con" column. So... there goes the one single male connection from school, hence resorting to the interwebs.
Lets just talk about the interwebs for a min... there is something about the anonymity of the internet that makes the pervy guys all the pervier. I am serious, if I get one more unsolicited picture of someones hairy balls, I might just switch teams.
My theory about the internet is it's an accurate sample of the general population, just concentrated. I have found, in my VAST experience, that while there might seem like there is an inordinate amount of the nutsack senders, it just seems that way because on a dating site, a woman has access to all of them. In a bar, there is probably the same ratio of them to normal dudes, just luckily in a bar, you don't run into all of them, so it seems like a higher ratio then it actually is. Once you weed through them, the majority of guys are really looking for the same thing everyone is... someone to connect with on some level. Whether it be friends, or more, we are all just looking for someone to share something special with. That being said, the search for that special someone has been PAINFUL! Now, I have embraced the concept, and I have been on ALOT of dates and here is the typical transcript.
Me: "Hi its nice to finally meet you!"
Him: "you too"
Me: "so tell me about your job?"
Him: "I like it"
Me: "Ok, um, tell me about your family"
Him: "they are nice"
Me: "this is going to be a long night" -(that one is usually internal)
Don't get me wrong some of them have been pretty fun. Its fun to get all ready and interact with new people, flirt and look pretty and have new experiences! I have had a great time and met some awesome guys, just not awesome for me. That fact sucked for a while, especially when I found out a certain someone was engaged. That moment was like... "shit, I am losing at breaking up!" And don't lie, you guys know exactly what I am talking about! We all want to be the winners when it comes to a break up. Luckily, in light of new information, I not only won the break up, I won at life!
So going forward... I will keep meeting the mens online for the time being. But more importantly, I will keep rocking out being awesome at being single! I seriously love being in a relationship, I am not going to lie, I miss being someones girlfriend. But you know what I love more? My independence... It would be great to meet someone to connect with, but I want that... I don't NEED that. That is seriously the most liberating fact. I get to do and be whoever I want! I can pick up and move whenever I want, I can apply to any grad school I want, I can quit my job and go to school full time, I can buy scooters and do zumba and cut my hair as short as I want. Its kind of great.
Thursday, August 2, 2012
Ten reasons why a dog is better then a dude...
10 reasons why having a dog is way better then having a dude.
10. You will never have a misunderstanding because of lack of communication again.
9. No dog will ever force you to watch football instead of So You Think You Can Dance, or Greys.
8. Dogs don't care what you look like, in fact I'm pretty sure they like you better on those Sundays you decide not to shower at all... these are creatures that roll in poop, BO is like fine perfume to them!
7. No manipulation required to get what you want. You tell a dog to do something, and he will do it.
6. Whisker burn is a thing of the past, cuddling with a dog never leads to a raw face.
5. A dog will never go off the deep end after his parents arrange a marriage to an Indian girl. (Ok, that one kinda applies only to me)
4. There is no such thing as being cheated on by a dog. Everyone knows that dogs love everyone, but he loves his person the best.
3. Easy companionship. You never have to worry about fighting with your dog.
2. Protection. No one is a better judge of character then a dog, and I don't care how sweet and people friendly a dog is, when he senses his human is in danger, a dog will stop at nothing to protect you.
1. And finally, unconditional love. To a dog, his human is his entire world, if you are sad, he is damn near suicidal, if you are happy his exuberance is barely contained by his skin
Monday, May 28, 2012
The first day of .... old
When are you a grown up? At what age is it official? Is it when the 22 year old at the bar you are flirting with goes "Wow, you are really mature." Thanks.... I will take my mature self over here now... bye! (and yes that happened)
Is it when your heart gets broken by someone you thought you would be with for life? Probably not, people get their hearts broken all the time, and most of them aren't grown ups.
When your best friend in the world starts talking seriously about having a baby? What? We aren't old enough for kids... except, ya I guess we are.... Hmmm.
When a glass of wine sounds better then a shot of tequila?
Maybe the first day you look at teenagers and DO NOT understand the fashion trends anymore.
Having car insurance in your name, instead of your parents?
Meeting someone born in 1994 and realizing they are 18 years old. WTF!
As I think of the definitive moment one becomes a grown up, I honestly don't think there is one... I have had several moments this year though where I suddenly went, holy shit, I'm a grown up.
I turn 27 in July... twenty SEVEN! Ladies and gentlemen, In case you weren't aware 27 is LATE TWENTIES! I think I finally get it. I really know what I want out of life, and more importantly I have discovered that sometimes I can want something, or someone, with all my heart and it doesn't always go the way I want. And that is ok. Being secure in myself and my life makes the hurdles, the heart breaks and the crazy 22 year olds at the bar no big deal.
So I guess, being a grown up is relative. I think I am there... Almost, cuz I still sometimes really like a shot of tequila.
Is it when your heart gets broken by someone you thought you would be with for life? Probably not, people get their hearts broken all the time, and most of them aren't grown ups.
When your best friend in the world starts talking seriously about having a baby? What? We aren't old enough for kids... except, ya I guess we are.... Hmmm.
When a glass of wine sounds better then a shot of tequila?
Maybe the first day you look at teenagers and DO NOT understand the fashion trends anymore.
Having car insurance in your name, instead of your parents?
Meeting someone born in 1994 and realizing they are 18 years old. WTF!
As I think of the definitive moment one becomes a grown up, I honestly don't think there is one... I have had several moments this year though where I suddenly went, holy shit, I'm a grown up.
I turn 27 in July... twenty SEVEN! Ladies and gentlemen, In case you weren't aware 27 is LATE TWENTIES! I think I finally get it. I really know what I want out of life, and more importantly I have discovered that sometimes I can want something, or someone, with all my heart and it doesn't always go the way I want. And that is ok. Being secure in myself and my life makes the hurdles, the heart breaks and the crazy 22 year olds at the bar no big deal.
So I guess, being a grown up is relative. I think I am there... Almost, cuz I still sometimes really like a shot of tequila.
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