Epiphany Tuesday

I just made that up... but I did have an epiphany today.  Not the "heavens open up and angels sing" kind, more like the "way to shoot yourself in the foot" kind. Brace yourselves kids, I am going to write about the ex.

Actually that is a lie, I am not writing about the ex, I am writing about the gym. The thing is, until today, those two things were linked in my mind.

When we first started going out, the gym was our thing.  But over the next 2 year, the gym took over our relationship.  I have always said, you can only do 3 things 100%. We both had work and school, leaving room for one more thing... I chose him... he chose the gym. So I started to resent the time we spent there.  We never saw each other during the week, and Sunday was our homework day, and he never slept over... so we had Friday night, and Saturday.  And he wanted to spend 2+ hours at the gym on friday nights. And that was the issue, I think.  We couldn't just go and bust it out in an hour... when we went to the gym, we were there for hours, it was never enough. And over the years, the gym and the ex and eventually resentment became linked in my mind.

After a break up, most people hit the gym hard, in order to get hot, in an "eat your heart out, loser, this is what you're missing" kind of way.  I couldn't do that. At first, I couldn't go to the gym because I was convinced I would run into him there. When I went, I was on the lookout for him. I spent time trying to anticipate what hours he would be there, and avoided those hours. And I just couldn't bring myself to go, on the off chance I would see him there. The problem was, even after I stopped caring whether I saw him or not, unconsciously I still associated the gym with resentment, in an Ugh, I don't want to go to the gym way.  The thing I forgot about though, is I LOVE the gym. I love the way I feel after I work out. Before the ex was a part of my life, I was at the gym all the time, but for ME, not to spend time with him.

Went to the gym today, and for the first time in a long time, it was about me.  And it felt GOOD.  My arms are jelly and that makes me feel great. The gym is mine again.